2022 Reflections

To say that 2022 is one of the most volatile and uncertain years in modern times would be an understatement. With unpredictable geopolitical events taking place, inflation running amok, and several instances of mental health issues surfacing, it is almost forgivable if one seriously wonders what good there is to look forward to in 2023.

In keeping with tradition, I like to pen down my thoughts towards the end of every year to muse on things that happened, as well as to capture some of the lessons learnt. This year I am pleased to be able to type out these words on my blog and I certainly hope to keep writing here from time to time next year. To be very honest, what I am about to share next is probably nothing new or unheard of, but more of some timely reminders that resonated with me throughout the course of the year.

1. Self-care To some, this might seem like an over-discussed topic. But I am not merely talking about giving yourself a treat at a restaurant, or going for a long walk to destress. Those things are good, needful, and have their place, but the kind of self-care I learnt this year leans more towards self-acceptance. Many of us are our own harshest critics, and the standards we set for ourselves are much higher than those of our friends and loved ones. Each one of us is a unique individual, with different talents and abilities, but our worth should never be based on our performance, and our identity should never be tied to our job or career. I will leave you with this quote I found in my latest read:

2. Boundaries Everyone knows the importance of setting boundaries but are we actually setting proper boundaries? Some time ago I chanced upon this FB post that perfectly illustrates what boundaries are. I will share some snippets of the post here. Not A Boundary: "You can't email me on the weekends." A Proper Boundary: "If you email me on the weekend, I will not respond until Monday." Here's another example. Not A Boundary: "You need to show up on time." A Proper Boundary: "If you are late, we will not wait for you." The post sums it up nicely by stating what boundaries actually are. "Boundaries are not mandates for other people to follow. Boundaries are not demands, expectations, ultimatums or idle threats. It is a particular course of action YOU take to take care of yourself when a particular set of circumstances arise. That's it. It's about what YOU do. Not about what THEY do. Ever.

3. Courage When was the last time you did something you truly enjoyed? I want to share this carefully because although there is nothing inherently wrong with following your parents' advice, meeting their expectations or doing something society expects you to, oftentimes we don't stop to think if the life path we are on is what we truly want. With social media so rampant nowadays, telling us 10 things we have to achieve by 30, or what our life should look like by 40, we run the real risk of comparison and feeling discouraged by what actually is a carefully curated feed from friends and family. We don't see the struggles behind the picture-perfect life because it is rarely portrayed online. So what is my point here? It is to gift yourself with a little more courage to pursue the things that matter to you, and stay true to your core values which make you who you are. It may result in you taking a less trodden path, but you will feel more at ease with yourself, knowing that you prioritised the things that were important to you, and with each passing day you are becoming a better version of yourself that you will actually like.

4. Failure I have always been intrigued by the role of failure in our life. It is something that is usually shunned by most, and understandably so, but in recent years I came to appreciate more of what it means to take failure in your stride. Well-meaning teachers and parents tell us that failure is an opportunity to learn from our mistakes. While that is true, I think failure can teach us so much more. It teaches us to be less reckless, forces us to learn humility, and perhaps most important of all it inculcates in us a sense of empathy for ourselves and for those around us.

I feel that we need to experience failure early in life so that it doesn't become this terrible taboo and cause us undue stress. How we respond to failure is every bit as important as what we can learn from it. We should acknowledge it, but we should not let it define who we are. Once again, I would like to share a quote from my latest read:

5. Friends Research has shown that building strong and meaningful friendships is one of the leading indicators of happiness in our life. In short, relationships matter. When you find a friend or a group of friends who can journey with you through the different seasons of your life, continue to invest in the friendship. Life itself brings about challenge after challenge, and a good comrade who can uplift you when you are down and cheer on your victories is incredibly valuable. I am thankful that at an age where it gets harder to make and keep friends, I have people in my life who love me for who I am.

When you find kindred spirits, be intentional about not letting busyness get in the way of your friendship. Make time and invest your best efforts. Reschedule if you can't make it next week or next month. Lock in a date 2 or 3 months ahead and make the meeting a priority. If you are always "too busy", it simply shows that the friendship is not your priority. Enough said.

6. Rest As we start walking out from a global pandemic this year, there has never been such renewed focus on reclaiming our rest. More people are demanding flexible work arrangements and rallying for better work-life balance in their jobs. It seems like the culture of hustling, constant pressure to improve, as well as increased productivity have finally come back to haunt us. If we are not careful, we are headed down a one-way street to burnout. I really love the following illustrations from Calm Collective Asia:

Remember that you are only human. There are both periods of rest as well as periods of growth. Don't neglect one and just focus on the other. When we are well rested, we gain clarity of mind and it is easier to get into the flow of things and eventually produce better outcomes.

7. Gratitude I recently heard this quote in church:

We may have heard about this in some form or fashion, but what exactly is it about gratitude that makes it easier for us to be happy? Gratitude makes us refocus back on the good that has happened to us and give thanks. This is crucial because we naturally gravitate towards the negative. Imagine that on a given day you receive 9 compliments and 1 criticism. Guess which will you focus on? It's not rocket science.

Going back to what has happened this year, there are so many "bad" things that we can point to and focus on. I could lament about how high inflation has gotten, complain about how things can be better at work, or keep dwelling on why that relationship didn't work out, but it would do absolutely nothing to improve my overall wellbeing. Instead, I can choose to give weight to things in my life that turned out well: exercising more and eating better, holding a job that gives me good cashflow every month, traveling post-covid to 3 different countries in the short span of 4 months, being around friends and family who truly care, and the list goes on. When we choose to focus on the good, we remind ourselves and our mind that much of the negativity is exaggerated, and things don't actually look as bad as we think they are. Counting our blessings bring us one step closer to a place of contentment, where we come to realise the much we already have in our lives.

If you reached this point in my post, thank you for reading until the end. As we close out the year, let us also remember to be kind to those around us in this season of giving and thanksgiving. As some famous person once said:

With that, have a most blessed Christmas and cheers to a greater and better new year ahead!